F*ck Happiness by Ariel Gore

Author:Ariel Gore
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Schwartz Books Pty. Ltd.

THE FOURTH QUESTION

Do you think you’re happier or less happy than your mother was at your age?

I asked a hundred women, “Do you think you’re happier or less happy than your mother was at your age?” Their responses stood in stark contrast to the recent studies that have found a decline in women’s well-being over the past thirty-five years. Instead of carefree housewives, daughters described mothers who had lost themselves in child-rearing, in marriages, in low wage labor. The median age difference between the daughters I asked and their mothers was just under thirty years, but more than 75 percent of the daughters I asked judged themselves to be happier than their mothers. The other 25 percent were split evenly between those who believed their mothers were happier and those who thought it was a toss-up. Asking a daughter to recall her mother’s happiness is a far cry from asking both mothers and non-mothers how they feel about their lives, but these answers suggest some interesting questions about why researchers may have been able to trace that decline in happiness. What is it that truly makes us happy? Are we reliable judges of our own happiness? Why might we say we were happy if we weren’t?

I’m happier. I have a community that’s willing to help me, the time and energy to pursue my own interests and not get sucked into the workday grind, friends who love and cherish me, and people who are willing to help me when I need it.

I think I’m happier than my mother was—I have more friends, stronger relationships, and fewer addictions.

I think in some ways I’m less satisfied than my mother was at my age—mostly because she didn’t analyze things quite as incessantly as I do. I suspect that was partly a product of the times and partly due to her upbringing. I have always envied her ability to just roll with life and accept the things she’s chosen.

About the same, but for different reasons. My mom was pleased with her family and material wealth at thirty-one. I am pleased as well with my family (meaning my friends), but I’m more satisfied with my spiritual life. That aspect didn’t really emerge in my mother’s life until she was in her forties.

I’d say I’m happier and more satisfied. The proof? I don’t yell at people or have high blood pressure. The funny thing is, I think my mother could have said she was happy, pointing to things she was proud of, like a thirty-year marriage, her religion, and two cars in the driveway.

I think I’m more fulfilled than Mom was at this age. I’m forty-six. I have more choices, and I live in a society that supports my choices from the availability of child care to the family-friendly atmosphere and policies I enjoy at work. I have twenty immediate family members in the area who are helping me to raise my child. At forty-six, my mom was in a bad marriage, she hated her job, and was almost done raising seven kids.

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